I'm okay. I keep telling everyone (including myself) that. We just hang on a little longer, a month isn't forever, the magistrate was about to do the right thing, it will all go our way at the next hearing, etc, etc. But, the bottom line is that I miss my sons terribly. I can't go into their room without it tearing my heart. I'm constantly seeing things they'd love to see, hearing things I want to share with them, finding out about things they'd love to do. I worry about their mental state - what is their mother telling them? Do they think we've abandoned them? Have they given up? I can't get away from it, it's constantly there. My husband is constantly "trying the case", thinking of every contingency, asking all the "what ifs" over and over and over...and I can't keep going over this every day. At some point I have to stop stewing and keep living. I have other children, I have my job, I can't just sit in my room in the dark (like I'd like to). I don't have that luxury. Gods I wish I did - I'd sleep and never wake up. But too many other people need me. If it wasn't for our puppy, I think I'd lose my mind utterly. He keeps me sane - he's so loving, undemanding, and I love just walking with him. That is what I'm focusing on right now, working with the puppy and "going away" as much as I can afford to. I'm not really "there" for much, and I'm hoping I don't let my family down too badly, but there's just very little of me left right now.

Current Mood: melancholy